With all the recent scandals in the news,there's been many a conversation regarding how to deal with the men accused of crimes. It's been an issue I've wrestled with for years and for me it's personal.
Let me tell you why.
Stan Brakhage is a name not widely known by the General Public,yet if you were to read almost any book about film or the history of film,you will come across the name of Stan Brakhage.
George Lucas,Martin Scorsese,and the creators of South Park all list the works of Stan Brakhage as major influences in their careers.The University of Colorado's media center bears his name. Stan Brakhage also happened to be my ex father in law and my daughter's grandfather. During the time I was married to his daughter,we'd spend time at his and his wife's cabin in the mountains outside Boulder Colorado where we'd watch his films and listen to the stories of his interactions with the likes of Allen Ginsberg,James Baldwin and Ezra Pound. My marriage to his daughter was a difficult one and it ended shortly after Rose turned 2.
Being a product of divorce and having it happen after vowing not to have it happen in my own life,needless to say it was rather devastating. I spent more than a few hours reflecting on what went wrong and eventually saw a counselor.
During the time of our marriage,my wife would talk about being abused. I never paid it much mind. Such things were not discussed in my household growing up and don't all kids regard their parents as abusive? Or so I thought. Through counseling,I later learned that the issues in our marriage had its roots in childhood abuse. I decided to confront Stan Brakhage with what I had learned. Prior to this,I had a pretty good relationship with Stan. It quickly changed after my confrontation. His last words to me were "I will destroy you"
By doing such things as paying my now ex wife to keep me in court for the greater part of 18 years,and having swindled me out of money I was going to use to finish my degree,he certainly helped to make my life difficult,but failed in his goal to destroy me.
Couple years before his passing,the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis honored Stan Brakhage with showings of his films and topped it off with a Brakhage lecture. I wrote a brief performance piece for the occasion and had every intention of disrupting his lecture,using the performance piece to let the world know about the "Other Stan Brakhage" On the day of his lecture,I backed off. My reasons were 1. I didn't want Stan to use my piece as an excuse to get back at my daughter in any way,and 2. With Rose reaching pre teens,dealing with esteem issues,and not liking very much the fact that one parent was a struggling writer and the other was a housecleaner,I felt it important for Rose to see success connected to her family. There will be time for her to hear the other side,but the fact is her grandfather was one of the most influential people in film.
Though he wasnt an artist,I've had to wrestle with issues around my own Dad. My Dad was Hartford Connecticut's first black doctor,was involved in the initial research on Sickle Cell Anemia,and established a Health Clinic in Hartford specifically geared towards low income patients.He was once named Connecticut's Man of the Year and was well known and highly respected in the Hartford area.(His golfing buddy was former Connecticut Senator and Vice Presidential candidate Joe Lieberman)
He would also often fail to pay child support and when I was in third grade he gave me a black eye and beat me on a level that nowadays would have gotten him arrested. I'd get angry when I'd see him drive up in his new Mercedes or hear about his summer home in Cape Cod knowing that my Mom was often having to ask my grandfather for assistance when my Dad wouldn't pay. For years my idea of success was skewered by my Dad thinking if he is the definition of success,I dont want to have anything to do with it.
There was a period as an adult when I went through a long period of unemployment. I had been denied Unemployment Insurance and things were pretty bleak. I had never asked my Dad for money previously but things were at a critical juncture and given his dodging of child support,I didn't feel guilty in asking for help. He turned down my request for a few hundred dollars but at the same time paid the Rev.Jesse Jackson thousands to come to Hartford when my Dad's stepdaughter went to the media with accusations against my Dad threatening his position at the Health Clinic. Jackson was instrumental in keeping my Dad's position as well as running my Dad's stepdaughter out of town.
Can I say my Dad was a monster? On one level I can say yes. I also know that my Dad helped thousands and to this day I hear from people telling me how Dr.Daniels helped them out.I know who my Dad was. It doesnt take away who he was for others. At my Dad's funeral,I learned from my Dad's second family,I was known as the person who could confront my Dad and get away with it.
There's a beauty and tragedy in being human..
